I went for my first run today. It wasn’t enjoyable. I despise exercise and only do it to try and look good.

People who say ‘oh I ran 4k today, it really cleared my head’, absolutely baffle me. I think they are absolutely off their tits.

If I want to clear my head I get so mortal that I cant remember anything.

The only good thing about my run, (or ‘run’ I should say) was that it was at Gloucester Park. Gloucester Park is one of those places that you have in your life that will always be connected to you in some way. Some of my first memories are there. Either going to the firework display (which we packed in when we realised we could watch it in the warm from my window – for free), or the fair. Or swimming. Due to my fear of the water my Mum took me to a swimming class, which she promptly stopped when I spent the entire session clinging to her with my nails dug in so hard she still has scars now.

When I got my first job, I had to walk though Gloucester Park to get there. Well, as long as it was light, just in case I was accosted by Geese or murderers. Although I wasn’t accosted by any murderers, I did get chased by Geese a few times, much to the amusement of the fisherman. I would also walk this way if it was raining. I have a theory that murderers don’t come out in the rain. I mean, I know for certain that if I looked out of the window and it was hammering it down, I’d be like ‘no, not going out murdering in that. Have to do double tomorrow…maybe a couple’.

This park is also what I had to walk through to get home to stay at my Mums from the flat I lived in with my ex, which became very frequent when I realized that I enjoy living with him about as much as I’d enjoy being repeatedly kicked in the vagina while listening to Cliff Richard.

I also used to go cycling a few times a week around Gloucester Park, until one day I cycled through a puddle that was up to my knees, came home soaking wet, had a strop and vowed never to go to the park again, even if there’s a fire.

They have since built a ‘sporting village’ and for any of you who don’t know what a ‘sporting village’ is, it is basically a building which houses a swimming pool you can only use a quarter of, a climbing wall that is about as tall as my cat standing on his hind legs, and a café that sells an array of junk food you can’t eat because you are inevitably there to try and lose weight.

I like to jog, nonchalantly passed the ‘sporting village’ with its glass windows, passed the people in the gym and sort of give them a look that says ‘LOOK IM RUNNING. YES RUNNING, ITS FREE. I’M NOT PAYING £5 A TIME TO DO THIS, I’M JUST RUNNING’.

For even though I despise physical exercise, I do realise how lucky I am. There are not many people who have green spaces a 2 minute walk away from them. So if you do, I am not going to go on hippy on you and urge you to ‘hug a tree’ (although that would be a fantastic conversation starter – ‘What did you do yesterday?’ ‘oh I was out all day hugging tree’s that looked a bit sad’), I am going to urge you, if you have one to make the most of your nearest green space.

Actual scientist have said this week, that green spaces and nature and all that actually help peoples mood. I know you will freeze your tits off, but just give it a go.