Hi guys,

Being that time of year where we may or may not get snow, I thought I would give you all a comprehensive guide of what to do in the eventuality it does actually snow.

First and foremost, the most IMPORTANT thing about any snow situation, is to Tweet and Facebook photo’s. There may still be 2 or 3 people out there in social media land who don’t know what your garden chair looks like when it’s snow covered. This is extremely important as you need to let everyone without a TV or windows that its snowing. It’s your duty as a UK citizen.

Secondly, you MUST go to the supermarket and panic buy. If they have nothing left you eat you will need to live on sardines and soy milk. If the supermarket were god forbid to close for one day, you would of course starve. Survival rates amongst people who have not gone out and bought 6 litres of dandelion and burdock and 30 packets of microchips are very very low, so please consider this.

The third thing you need to do to survive, is appreciate that you will not be able to get ANY public transport. First Busses in Essex in particular, are completely unable to send a bus if there is slight snow, wind, or rain. If they do brave it, the chances are they will send one one way, and then when the weather turns for the worst it will disappear into bus oblivion and not come the other way, leaving you standing there wondering how close Basildon actually IS to the Bermuda triangle. Trains also become completely unusable in adverse weather, so the best thing to do, is to do what Daybreak advise and ring your employer and tell them that huge tray of paperwork will have to wait. you cant come in because it’s a bit cold.

The next thing you need to consider, is that if schools were to open during a small bout of snow and turn the heating on, they would fall to the ground like a tree being chopped down. The reason we have never seen this happen is because all of the schools will close ‘just in case’. It’s better to be safe than sorry, and it’s nice to give the teachers a rest, because weekends and all the school holidays are not quite enough for them.

Another important thing I would like you to remember, is to keep all your pets in. The last thing you want is for your kitties to go missing and have to survive by building igloo’s and ice fishing in your pond. Even the most adventurous of pets should be warned that snow is no joke, if it can bring a whole country to a standstill.
Now for my closing thought. Please remember that there are absolutely NOT thousands upon thousands of people who live in Iceland or Greenland, or Canada or Russia that deal with these conditions everyday. There are certainly not people who manage to go about life getting to school or work in these conditions. No way are there schools that open everyday in the snow, or people who just wrap up and get on with it.