We’ve all been there. The hot guy in the office you have been fawning all over walks over to your desk and you think ‘Yes…FINALLY’, only to ask for the stapler and promptly ignore you for the rest of the afternoon. The guy in the office with questionable hygiene then comes over and asks if you are free tonight. With Valentines Day coming up, I thought I would share with you some excises for getting out of dates.

1. ”I painted some shelves earlier so I’ll be busy watching them dry”

If your potential suitor doesn’t note the sarcasm, he may be worth actually going out with, you will be able to spend a lifetime with him making sarcastic comments and he’ll be none the wiser.

2. ”I need to clean the fish out”

Pretty self explanatory and lets face it NO ONE likes dirty fish water. If there are people that are on this earth who don’t consider a dirty fish tank a grave emergency which you need to rush home for, then they are clearly undateable. If you have a particularly big fish tank this could see you busy the whole weekend.

3. ”I have to de-scale the kettle”

Continuing the theme of households tasks and things you can use to point out how boring going out with your potential date is, the good old descaling of kitchen appliances comes to the rescue. Why not take it one further and say you are deep cleaning the oven and the fridge and sorting out your cupboards too?

4. ”I’m not allowed to date until I am 16”

Perfect, and regardless of the fact you may be 46, this will keep any men who want to run the risk of signing the sex offenders register away from you for at least a few years.

5. ”I’m not allowed out without my carer”

Another simple and effective line which needs no further explanation. In actual fact the less you say the more and more scenarios will run through said mans’ head and hopefully he will do nothing but smile and nod to you for the rest of your lives.

6. ”I have a meeting with my parole officer”

This is again a simple one that gets more scary the less you say. If you play it right I’m almost certain you could convince anyone asking you on a date that you are actually the woman who killed her last husband with a leg of lamb and then cooked it and ate it.

7. ”I’m moving to Yemen”

I STOLE THIS FROM CHANDLER BING. Yes I did steal this one but lets look at how well it worked. Obviously you need some forethought as to what will happen if you do actually work with this person and you turn up back at the office on Monday.

8. ”I don’t speak a word of English”

Even if the guy asking presses that you actually are speaking English, keep as straight a face as possible and say ‘no sorry, I cant understand a word you are saying I really cant’. The key here is PERSISTENCE. Said fellow will eventually get bored of this if you really stick to your guns.

9. ”I had jalapenos for lunch and need to go STRAIGHT home”

If you have more than one man in a social situation who wants to ask you out, this is a great way to put ALL of them off FOREVER. You will need to send the afternoon really selling it and making a few trips to the bathroom.

10. ”I am married, and I am extremely happy with my husband and completely fulfilled by him emotionally and physically”

I’ve left this one for last, because lets face it……who is going to believe it?