Is it me, or when you get older does getting ready become more of a military operation than how they found Bin Laden?

I had an engagement party to go to at 8pm yesterday, and my getting ready ritual started at promptly 3.30pm, I painted my nails thinking I was being organized then chipped them cooking dinner. The perils of being a grown up. Whoever goes on Dragons Den and invents a pot of Basil you can open without chipping your brand new Nails Inc nail varnish will get a YES from me.

I’m sure when I was younger I just used to throw something on, straighten my hair and then spend the rest of my ‘getting ready time’ getting blind drunk on the cheapest wine ever to take the edge off the massive heels I was wearing. So relaxed were our getting ready rituals than me and my friend Little Em (the one I lost in Lakeside several times last week) used to sit gossiping and eating chocolate before we went out.

Now I have to play ‘getting ready roulette’ and see what thing I can actually do without. Last night it was the tan. There was no time for the tan so I just threw on some tights and walked everywhere twice as fast than usual so I had at least a sweaty red glow. Rollers are an absolute MAGICAL invention, however is it only me that becomes paralysed and floppy when I try to get my clothes on over them?

I can get my clothes OFF in them which is fantastic in the coldest winter we’ve ever had standing in your room naked waiting for your curls to set in.

I can also only manage to draw half an eyebrow on with rollers in which is still time efficient but not great if you forget to do the other half before you go out. Eye shadow is a complete thing of the past for me now. It is not a ‘make up necessity’ therefore I often long it off to save time. The three main goals for me are big hair, good eyebrows and something I look thin in. TOP TIP if you don’t look thin have a fresh orange juice an hour before you go and have a clear out. They don’t tell you that in Glamour magazine.

So after all the pre planning, having to pop over to Nan’s across the road for a shower (we are having our bathroom done), the lists, the triage of getting ready rituals, you would expect me to sitting casually, looking perfect, with a glass of Prosecco, coat and bag at the ready when my friend Lisa turned up to get me?

Well no. Because you can pre plan the absolute fuck out of things, but if you fall sound asleep an hour an a half before you go, you WILL end up hearing your friend beep outside, still be looking for your other shoe, end up putting your earrings in in the car and accidently go out wearing tights and wedges which is basically the Essex version of socks and flip flops.

Next week when I go out I think I’ll revert back to getting so drunk before I go I couldn’t give a shit if my shoes match.