The Essex Barbie Dream House

There’s something somewhat disturbing about the fact that somewhere in the Essex countryside, this place exists. But I kinda get it. After all, living in Essex, you tend to see a lot of girls who have deluded themselves into thinking that they actually are Barbie. But I’m still unsure whether this guest house in Tiptree is the product of an unsettled mind or whether it’s business genius? Perhaps a successful harmony of both.

Their slogan is “A magical location/venue & lifestyle dedicated to exploring Art, Fashion, Music & the Universe”, though the exploration of these things in such a place may be enough alone to drive one mad. A popular location for film and photo shoots, this Essex Barbie Dream House also serves as a boutique guest house. Makes me wonder whether this place was the inspiration behind TOWIE star Mick Norcross’ development plans with the Grand Boutique Hotel to soon open in Leigh-on-Sea.

The owners, Amy Griffith and James Lloyd-Roberts, spent four years creating and perfecting this property, down to the last tiny hand-painted flower on the fence. Because why would anyone ever want to grow up? If you have money, you can stay young forever! Now open to guests, it will only set you and up to 11 of your closest BFFs back £2500 for two nights of bed and breakfast. Definitely a unique bed and breakfast experience… The last time I was at a B&B, I got myself locked outside at 2am in the freezing cold December rain and wind of Southend seafront. This Barbie Dream House guest stay has got to be better than that, right? Right?!

The front exterior of the house is an obnoxious shade of fuchsia you thought you would never see again past the age of 10. But the outside of Eaton House serves as a mere taster to the interior where things sort of lose touch with reality a bit… Eaton House Studio boasts a grand total of thirteen rooms, each one themed differently and yet even still manages to be even sparklier and glitterier than the last. It’s like they recreated the warped fantasies of a seven year old little girl.

The rooms include:

The Purple Foyer

The Pink Room

The Love Kitten Bedroom

The Riding Room (with a view of the horses in the field outside of the window)

The Eaton Rose Dining Room

The Quintessential Cowboy Bedroom

The Green Parlour

The 333 Wet Room

The Universe Lounge

You can use your own imagination to envisage what each room contains…

Their gardens include an old ampitheatre built in World War 1, a hot tub (so you can soak in your own shame), an outdoor cinema, a “Flamingo Courtyard” and a “Unicorn River”. The Unicorn River looks like My Little Pony exploded and left this devastatingly awful mess in its demise, leaving only statues of unicorns everywhere as a reminder of the garden’s origins. But I still kind of love it.

Why would anyone want to stay there?

Why would anyone not want to stay there? They offer an extensive list of services and facilities, as well as all sorts of bespoke dream packages. You can even request firemen models to serve you food and drinks. Because why not? Teamed with their in-house beauticians and gourmet food, it’s actually the perfect location for a rather luxurious hen-do. They also offer “Geisha Experiences”, though I’m a little overwhelmed by everything else to even question what’s involved in that one.

To call this place “quirky” really doesn’t describe the reality of it accurately. “Quirky” is when someone has decorated a corner of their living room to be slightly vintage, juxtaposed with the rest of their modern decor elsewhere in the room. Oh, you shabby chic’d that mirror yourself? How wonderful… (I would love to pretend that I’m being sarcastic here, but I do actually think that shabby chic is wonderful.)

Not going to lie… I think a sick and twisted part of my soul has fallen in love with the Eaton House Studio. When I first came upon news of this place, any sane immediate reaction would have been to click away, but my morbid fascination for all things pink and girly urged me to browse more and more through their website’s perversely pink pictures. There’s something kind of infectious about this place, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again with the knowledge that this place exists, not more than an hour’s drive from where I live in Southend-on-Sea.

This guilty pleasure is a confession in its own right, written by fellow Essex girl, Ria  from ”http://www.lovesouthend.co.uk”

Pictures taken from http://www.eatonhousestudio.com