Oh I do like to be beside the cheese-side. Well that’s not actually a song, but it feels like it. After having now given up near enough all cheese for a week and a half, most people I encounter are starting to look like large pieces of Edam and I am finding myself fantasizing about a halloumi skewer from a little Greek taverna.

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You see I haven’t given up cheese for a health problem, or because I have suddenly become alarmingly aware of the welfare of cows udders, I have actually given up cheese because my arse literally doesn’t fit in anything anymore.

As healthy as I thought I was eating with my smoothie for breakfast and salad for lunch, it wasn’t until my colleague helpfully advised me you should only eat a MATCHBOX worth of cheese a week that I realized there was probably a reason my size 12’s were a bit tight around the edges.

Cheese, although it tastes AMAZING, is NOT GOOD.

Cheese is actually the largest source of saturated fat in the USA. This is probably because, like me, they smothered every meal in it. Obesity and high cholesterol wouldn’t of been long for knocking at my door if I had continued the practice of making a cheese sauce ‘to go with this’.

Not only that, but cheese can also cause diabetes and heart disease. In moderation, cheese is a wonderful treat, but be aware and read your packets.

A small pack of the halloumi from the supermarket may LOOK like a small serving, but can actually contain anything from 700 calories to 1000 calories per pack. That’s nearly your whole calorie intake for the day.

Don’t get me wrong here: cheese is a good source of calcium, especially for those who don;t regularly partake in the drinking of cows udder liquid. But slathering it on every meal won;t do you any favours at all.

It’s amazing how cutting that one thing out of my diet has done me good. In a week, I have lost 3 pound by cutting out putting cheese on top of everything from chips to the cat, and I have still been having a small sensible spread of light soft cheese now and again. I have even been drinking prosecco and eating burgers, but alas, without grating that yellowy tastiness over everything I eat my arse no longer decides at random to escape over it’s denim prison.

So to sum up?

You may like cheese, you may even love it. But cheese does certainly not like you.