Occasionally, just occasionally when I’m not busy blogging, actually working my day job, running my company or being a funner, I watch TV. Yes, would you believe it, sometimes, I actually sit down and rest. For such an intelligent person (don’t laugh, my I.Q is actually 117), my taste in TV is absolutely shameful. I really do like all of the rubbish. Towie, I’m a Celebrity and x Factor.

When I got an email from Applausestore to say I had tickets for X Factor, I was over the moon. I’m a massive Cheryl Fernandez-Versini fan and I was hoping we would become best friends after I sat behind her. The tickets do say you are not guaranteed entry, but we thought we would give it a go as we’d been to Big Brother no problems.

So Saturday rolls around and there are two things affecting my wish to actually go. One is the raging hangover I’m facing and another is that it’s pissing down. Of course it is. It wouldn’t be dry on a day I needed to be in a queue for three hours would it? So I get myself ready in my post prosecco pickle and we drive all the way to Wembley from Essex. In case you don’t know, Wembley is about as far round the other side of London as you can get from Essex. Well handy.

When we got out of the car in Wembley station car park, dolled up to the nines looking like we were soliciting, my umbrella, of course, blew inside out. I never know how you handle an inside out umbrella situation. Do you graciously throw it away, or try and fix it. Personally, I went with good old swearing at the fucking bastard umbrella and using both hands to hold it over me.

So now we arrive at the queue. I’ve got a dodgy umbrella and I’m starving. One of the Applause Store staff comes over and say’s we are not guaranteed to get in. Totally aware of this from the ticket. Not a problem. The problem was this. You KNOW how many seats are in a studio. Do you REALLY let people queue for three hours only to tell them when they get to the front ‘Oh actually you can’t get in tonight’. Applausestore we massively un-organised, and so many people were complaining. Had we had been told earlier we would of just got in the dry and went in the pub. Dragging it out was just pure unprofessional and massively crap on Applausestore’s part. Thankfully I’ve learned my lesson and won’t be applying for any more tickets.

As the girl in the queue behind me put it “No wonder X Factors T.V audience has dropped, they are all waiting outside the studio in the rain”. I don’t know who these V.I.Ps are who fill up seats, but Simon Cowell should be incredibly ashamed of himself. These people in the queue are the ones paying your wages mate.

So to summarise, I have some advice for you all today:

• Don’t EVER bother with Applausestore. Sit at home drinking wine in the warm watching T.V shows instead
• Always have a sturdy umbrella
• Always carry an emergency bottle of prosecco. Everywhere