I’m not usually the biggest fan of all of that ‘New Year, New Me’ malarkey. I find New Year’s Eve just another evening out and excuse to have a few Proseccos and hide my mates microwave in the bathroom, so the next day I don’t exactly wake up feeling like a new person just because I have changed my calendar. I do get into the spirit and make New Year’s resolutions, but I’ve usually broken them before the Christmas chocolate is finished.

This year, however, has been a bit different. There have been a few events which have catapulted me feet first into re-inventing myself for 2016. While I haven’t changed, a few of my circumstances have, and I have been trying to tactfully blend into all of my new surroundings while still being the sarcastic funner that I am. There’s a lot I want to achieve this year, but when it comes down to it I’ll be happy if I can make it into 2017 without offending anyone or being chucked out of any nightclubs for losing my shoes.

For a start, I started a new role at my company on the 4^th of January. This means gone are the days of rocking up into work in w Fred Perry and going bowling. As much as I hope I’ll stay the same fun, enthusiastic person, I actually have to be a tad more professionally dressed now and it will probably do me good to stop putting glitter in people’s lockers.

Another change I need to make is diet. Yes, I am joining the literally millions of people that are going on a diet as of from January 1^st, and although not wanting to look like a potato in Marbella is a great by product, my main reason is that I have some lengthy undiagnosed stomach issues that are not helped by eating pizza or classing ketchup as one of my five a day. For everyone like me, that just genuinely loves any type of unhealthy food, you will be disappointed to know that the reason they call it ‘unhealthy’ is because it is actually terrible for you.

Learning to drive is another one on the to do list. I have mixed feelings about this. At 27, you would think I would have learned ages ago, or at least some time in the last ten years seeing as my provisional has run out. The trouble is, I don’t actually enjoy driving. And anyone who knows me will tell you that my attention span is about the same as that of a goldfish, albeit an intelligent goldfish but one who doesn’t know its ‘Duel carriage way ends’ sign from its ‘road narrows on the right sign’.

Hopefully when I get back into a car I’ll all of a sudden discover a passion for driving similar to my passion for food, the Hunger Games or standing drinking at the bar judging people. The trouble is, learning to drive will make my life, and job so much easier I can’t put it off any longer. I have floated the idea of getting a Vespa, because I once saw a really cool lady on a Vespa in Brick Lane, but I think she was an anomaly, a one off. Because having helmet hair and buzzing about on a vehicle that goes slower than a three wheeled van is hard to pull off.

Although when I lose a stone and look less like a King Edward, I’m sure I’ll look cool on anything.