Slowly but surely all of my friends around me are growing up. I’m being invited to weddings, baby showers and hen do’s while being sat over in my corner with my bat and ball like ‘hey guys, I don’t even remember to feed my cats’.

I do however, now I have experienced my first one, like hen weekends. I’ve never been to Brighton before and I didn’t realise how nice it was and how much there was to do. I’m usually more partial to a jaunt abroad but after finding out there was going to be alcohol, candy floss and a big group of people I love involved I was definitely going.

Where we stayed

I really really try not to slate businesses on this blog, and usually if I don’t like a product or service I’ll have a chat with them and advise them what I thought and see if they want to take steps to correct it. The New Cosmopolitan in Brighton however, is something else.

It’s advertised as a B&B, and quite frankly I did get a bed, and I did get what they class as a Breakfast, but we also got so much more than that. One of the many perks of the New Cosmopolitan is that if you are one of the lucky souls on this earth that has been able to grace room 23, you will experience all of the convenience of having a shower dead smack in the middle of the bedroom. Yes, who needs the added extra hassle of walking a few steps to the bathroom when you can just roll out of bed and straight in the shower? Who hasn’t wanted to experience washing their little girl while having a full on chat with the person they are sharing the room with, separated only by a curtain?

Another treat you get in room 23 is the back door which opens out to the garden, and when I say garden I mean unevenly paved area with metal, cushion-less chairs, something that was clearly formerly known as a BBQ and pigeons the size of dogs that are clearly attracted to the mess left by the hotel staff, who clearly wouldn’t know cleaning if they had a broom placed up their bum.

I won’t even start on the breakfast. Let’s just say the apple juice was the best bit.

One GOOD thing about the hotel was its location, which was quite central (although it was near the earliest closing chicken shop I’ve ever known to man).

Where we went

After dealing with a bit of road rage directed at Jan with the personalised number plate in the white Merc, me and my friend decided that as soon as we had unpacked (and by unpacked I mean thrown our cases on the floor) that we needed a well-deserved drink. We ended up in Legends, mainly because they had a lovely outdoor bit and I like to try and tan, which results in me just being a pinker shade of white.

We actually ended up back here during the course of the evening on the Friday as the main night out was going to be Saturday. This ‘quiet’ night was the night I ended up back in the room by ten being undressed by my friend and having my joggers put on for me. Lesson learned, day drinking doesn’t give you the best start to a weekend.

On the Saturday I managed to drag myself down to breakfast, but it was about as appetizing as a brick and there was a man coughing and sneezing in quite close proximity to my apple juice, so needless to say I didn’t eat. A couple of the girls went to the shops while I napped because everyone thought I’d just stay in bed (they know me well). I couldn’t really avoid waking up though as my roommate ran into my room screaming ‘FIRE’ filming my reaction on her iPad. My reaction was to pretty much not move and hope for the best.

We went to Brighton Marina for lunch, it was so nice you could almost pretend you were abroad. The actual marina has loads of restaurants and bars, and loads of places to eat. Naturally after we had eaten we picked one of the poshest places in Brighton, literally by mistake because we got lost and nearly ended up at Charlies 30^th. Malmaison was a great place to sit, and the service was fantastic. The waiter literally catered to my incredibly childish need of having to have fizzy orange when I’m hungover and made me one especially.

Next on the agenda was going on a speedboat, as you can imagine I was thrilled because I’m terrified of the sea. Fortunately for my friend who was the bride to be, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for her, so I sucked it up and got on. I can’t say it was the best 25 minutes of my life, but everyone else loved it so if you like that sort of thing you can’t go wrong for £15 each. Despite the sheer terror, it was actually a good way to see Brighton. You get a life jacket so at least if you can’t swim you can float in the freezing cold sea until you get rescued by the coast guard.

Where we drank

Although we went out for a couple of drinks Friday, Saturday was the main night of the hen do and a few more people joined us. Little did I know that Brighton is full of amazingly cute little beach bars. We went to OHSO and although it wasn’t the cheapest, it was worth it for the scenery. It was right on the beach with floor to ceiling windows looking out at the sea. The DJ was absolutely mental. At one point, she mixed Missy Elliot with Smells like Teen Spirit and actually danced on the CDJs. People in Brighton are not normal, and this is why I feel I would definitely fit in.

We closed the night at Pryzm which was a decent nightclub, but I’ve never seen so many rooms in my life. I swear there were about 100. The music was quite good in one or two of them, but my mates are all massive losers and don’t actually like good music so we ended up in the ghetto room naturally (although I can’t say I didn’t get down with my bad self to Dutty Wine).

The night ended with us all in the room dutifully handing over our chicken order to the two volunteers to walk to the chicken shop only to find out that everywhere that does food in Brighton closes mega early.

**TOP TIP**

Take a packed lunch. Don’t leave it uncovered in the New Cosmopolitan unless you want the plague.