Faces Bar and Grill, Chelmsford

Faces Chelmsford

Considering how much I like to impose myself on the hip and happening places of Essex, it’s a wonder that the first time I visited Faces Bar and Grill was last Saturday. I never think to go out in Chelmsford. Not that I have anything against it, it’s just a nightmare to get to and from. There are some proper good places though, it’s very up and coming, and now the ‘TOWIE Tour’ brigade have taken over Brentwood, it might even be the next big thing.

Faces Bar and Grill is opposite the Meadows car park. Which is great if you know where that is, not so great if you don’t and between four of you it takes half an hour to find and several trips down Wilko’s deliveries only turning. When we arrived, we were taken to a seat right opposite the DJ booth. Now I DJ, and I love music, but I was a bit concerned that I didn’t want to get tinnitus while I was tucking in to my mashed potato.

Fortunately, the music was quite subtle and low for the ‘eating’ part of the night. The great thing about Faces is that their happy hour is literally hours, so my group did about 50 pornstar martinis between them (I stick to prosecco). Although, was quite disappointed when the waiter come over and said ‘pornstar?’ and I said ‘no I’m the manager at a care company’ and he didn’t laugh. Come on man that was one of my best lines.

They also do quite a good selection of shots, some of which I drunk, none of which I can remember the name of. The food is really nice. It’s quite a varied selection at dinner, and there is mostly something to suit everyone. I had the lamb shank with the mashed potato and the green beans, the lamb was cooked to perfection. I swear I nearly swallowed it whole. The mashed potato was exceptionally creamy, actually after eating it I don’t think I could ever face Harvester mash again in my lifetime.

Faces, Chelmsford

We were all a bit baffled at where the dancefloor was, if the music gets louder, etc, because online there are pictures of people proper going for it like it’s 4am down Turnmills (oh my god, who remembers Turnmills though?).

Basically, when all the diners are finished, they do a quick change and move the tables, and crank the tunes up. I personally didn’t think the music was bad, which is a great testament to them as I think the music is bad EVERYWHERE. Most importantly, my work friend had a great birthday, which was a good job because today she took delivery of my joke present, an entire turbot fish frozen and delivered to her with a little birthday card. If you’ve got a special occasion to celebrate, I’d definitely recommend Faces, just make sure you know when happy hour is so you can get the pornstars in.


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