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Crisps are not just a snack for me. They are an entire way of life. I feel as passionately about certain crisps as men do about football. So that is why I have decided to give myself the authority to bring you the ultimate crisp list.

Pickled Onion Monster Munch

I did nearly bump these down because they are not very social crisps. I never feel comfortable eating these around people though. Ultimately, I decided no matter how unsocial or tongue-hurty they are, they are still worthy of the top spot. The Flamin Hot ones naturally share the top spot, and the Beef ones are not even really worth mentioning.

Tangy Toms

The only reason Tangy Toms haven’t clinched the top spot is that they are so rare. Tangy Toms are like that elusive fish your Dad just KNOWS is in the lake but can’t ever catch. Sometimes you can get them down the Aldi or the Poundshop, and other times they are not spotted for months on end. I’m not sure why they do it but it’s been a great marketing ploy because when they do appear, my Mum, buys five bags. I’m not sure who to blame their rarity on, but if I had to hazard a guess I’d say the Illuminati.

Doritos

Any crisp brand that has their own brand of salsa as well is always going to get a massive thumbs up from me. I mainly prefer the Chilli Heatwave flavour, then Cool Original then Tangy Cheese, despite being an overall cheese lover. I love Cool Original with the hottest salsa. And yes, would you have guessed it, I still have the cheek to wonder why I have tongue ulcers.

Hula Hoops (Any Flavour)

The thing I love about Hula Hoops is how sturdy and dependable they are. You can leave a Hula Hoop in your mouth for thirty-five minutes and it is not going ANYWHERE. The only issue bumping Hula Hoops down a bit is that they are so enjoyable but there are only about five in a pack. What a mug off. Although I have written “all flavours” anyone who likes ready salted should NOT be trusted.

Pickled Onion Space Raiders

Pickled onion features heavily on my list because it is an awesome crisp flavour. However, the flavour isn’t enough on a Space Raider. Again, the hot space raiders second only the pickled onion ones and anyone that likes BBQ/Beef is a weirdo. 

Salt and Vinegar Squares

Another crisp in the tongue-hurty category. But so worth it.

McCoys (Any Flavour)

McCoys are another crisp that is in the sturdy category. Good, dependable crisp, well-worth a purchase. Any flavour McCoy is acceptable, but guys what I am going to say about ready salted?

Pringles

I used to LOVE them, but to be honest they are neither here nor there. A very “nothing” crisp. Shit. 

Skips

Minging. Make my teeth itch.

Ready Salted Walkers

Most boring crisp in the whole world.

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