*This post was written in collaboration with BDSM dating and was rewarded with a small monetary fee.

There is something about a global pandemic that makes you re-evaluate your life a little bit. At the time of writing this, it is October 2020. Remember in March when we all thought we would lockdown for six weeks then we would be back to normal? If the wonderfully weird 2020 proved anything to us, it is that life is short. Not in a morbid way, but you never know when a pandemic will hit and cancel anything remotely fun. As e are facing our second lockdown in the UK, I’m compiling a list of all of the new things I’ve previously wanted to try but chickened out. I know a few people’s lists are going to have BDSM dating on. Due to the fact this is such a common one, I wanted to write an article about staying safe in the BDSM dating world.

Have your first date in public

Just because BDSM dating is seen as that little bit more adventurous than conventional dating, it does not mean you need to compromise your safety. If you meet someone online you must take precautions to ensure you are still safe and that they are who they say they are. Anyone using dating sites will tell you that the first meeting should always be in a bright, open space. Whenever I meet someone from an online dating site I like to make the first meeting a pub. I don’t drink alcohol but a pub is less pressure than a restaurant.

Ask for references

I appreciate how comical this might sound. The people you chat to online on a BDSM dating site are not applying to be your assistant. However, if you think about it, it isn’t that outrageous. BDSM dating is two people who get on well and enjoy dominant sex. BDSM isn’t usually put together with long, platonic relationships, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work within them. A lot of people that meet on these sorts of websites end up having a “friends with benefits” arrangement, and everyone knows the perfect people to ask for favours is a friend. Personally, if one of my more casual contacts asked for this, I would oblige and dash off a message or two. I think the hard times in 2020 have made us all realise how much better life is if we HELP each other.

Both subs AND doms need to be SAFE

One of the biggest misconceptions in BDSM dating is that only the submissive person needs a safe word. If you are dominant in the paring then you also have every right to have a safe-word. There are hundreds of reasons you might need this. Assuming things is never the best option. Your partner has a very vulnerable role in all of this, so remember to keep this in mind. As well as a safe-word, it is a very good idea to have a chat about boundaries before you start.